a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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