Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
