Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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