I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
