I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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