..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Houston, we have a squirter
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
