remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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