Already got asked if we're dating
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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