it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
