Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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