whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
