She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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