my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
being pregnant is like rehab
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
