I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
