Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
