sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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