You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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