Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
