I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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