I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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