who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
