i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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