It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
