Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
