True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
