genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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