i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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