I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
