I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
please come you make the beer taste better
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
