now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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