I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
