i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
