I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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