If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
