hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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