i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
