It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
