why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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