i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
