so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
