i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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