So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
