Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He kissed a someone with a penis
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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