So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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