WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
