Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
