Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
