We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
