It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
