He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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