I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
